#10 Your Child is Unique

As promised, here begins my in depth discussion for my first Top 10 list.

#10: Your child is unique.

So, to keep with the theme, I'll do a Top 6 about Item #10.

6. Do not parent your child because a book tells you to do it this way. It is one thing to have an expert understand the dynamic between you and your child. It is an entirely different thing to say you are parenting this way because the book you read said your child will benefit. Unfortunately, I am told too often which book is used to help parent a child! Do lots of reading, learn about development, even pick a few different approaches, but please do not let a book tell you how to raise your child. There is only one bible to follow, and it is not a book on parenting.

5. Be social; do not be dependent. It is a new world and a HUGE adjustment when you have a new child. Do not isolate yourself from the rest of the world or you will go crazy! Talk about your problems and laugh about your mistakes. The first trip outside the house will be terrifying! It was for me and I have no problem taking 40 preschoolers to Disneyland. Do not expect your spouse, significant other or relatives to understand how you are feeling. Do not expect your best friend to have the answer. Your life will forever be different, and you will need support from others, but do not expect others to have all the answers. You and your baby are unique.

4. Get out and spend time with other new moms. Moms groups are everywhere. Go to meetup.com and find a local mom's group. There are other mom's groups that you can find through La Leche League, MOMS Club, MOPS, and check with your local library. Some of the libraries do story times for infants. Personally, I do not like the web based moms groups. They are just places for people to give you advice without knowing the first thing about you and your child. It is nice to meet others and hear how they are unique, too. Web based discussion groups and/or mommy web pages are not the same!

3. Smile, say "thank you," and then do your own thing. If you are pregnant, you probably have people telling you how to eat; how much sleep you need; whether you are having a girl or boy; how pregnant you look or do not look. People like to help people. If they want to help when they see a big belly, imagine how much they will want to help when they see you holding a real live person. Advice is going to be free flowing. Some of it may be appreciated. You will also receive unwelcome advice. LOTS of it. Learn to laugh and enjoy it, but do what works for you and your baby. You are unique!

2. Before accepting advice, you are qualified to determine whether or not you feel they are qualified to provide the advice. Twitter and Facebook accounts are set up everyday. There is no guarantee that the account is the official account. There is no way to know that the childcare center you like is really going to be the best one for you child. Did you know that babies were not given pain medication until the 1980s, because researchers thought babies did not feel pain? Doctors - yes, experts - did not give any pain medication when performing heart surgery. You are the best expert and you have every right to question even the most respected experts. That includes doctors - and me!

1. Be flexible! Some people like to plan. Other like to let the day go the way that it goes. Either way, you are going to have to do some adjusting. Your baby may be the opposite of you! You will both adapt and learn to live together. Some babies will be so fussy if the routine is broken by 5 minutes. Other babies do well with changes. It has been my experience that babies tend to prefer schedules, and I believe that babies will be happier and develop into more well adjusted children when a consistent schedule can be kept. However, that does not mean you have to be strict in your scheduling. The first year is full of changes, too. Just when you think you know what your baby needs, he/she will change. Inconsistent naps become consistent, then naps decrease to two naps a day, and sometimes in the first year, he/she will even drop down to one. Change is the name of the game for the first year. Be ready for unpredictability!

Enjoy being the best expert!
Until next time, where Baby Signs will be discussed...